so....yeah....

My dad has a cancerous lump in his kidney. I don't think that means the same as "having cancer," but I'm not sure. He's having surgery tomorrow to have the lump removed - from what I understand, that is what will reveal whether it's "just a lump" or if it's...a more serious issue.

I'm scared.

My dad is not a healthy guy.

I have to imagine that this would be abit easier to deal with if my family wasn't so indescribably dysfunctional at the moment.

I'm sad.

I've been an awful daughter. :/

If something bad happened...I would feel like an orphan.

I talked to him tonight and asked him to please not die and he said he wasn't planning on it. I made him promise and he said, "I promise I won't die."

My dad's not a promising kind of guy. He's an unsentimental realist, in fact.

I feel very alone...but it's the kind of thing I suck at talking about so I guess I just have to make it through the next few days and deal with whatever I have to deal with.